current mood: thrilled
Well, it's 9:50 and Griffin is sitting in his play station (a quilt on the ground with a husband pillow to lean against and lots of toys) busily investigating my travel hairbrush. $25 singing dog? Eh. Box of differently shaped and colored blocks? Pass. Freebie travel hairbrush that I tossed backwards into his carseat as he was screaming in traffic one day? WIN.
He also really likes the travel wipes container. I should just stop buying toys altogether.
So I went to the doctor the other day. Because I'm on crazy drugs I've had a med check in every 4-6 weeks since my pregnancy, because of the risk of postpartum depression. For the first time I didn't have a positive things to report--I've had trouble sleeping, and just generally been struggling. Sure, my body is wiggly and my life is very baby-centered, but so is every new mom's. It should not be consuming my life, and it was. Lying awake in bed every night thinking horrible violent thoughts for four hours was the cherry on the sundae of postpartum suck.
Since I've been casually told that I probably have ADHD before, and I've been struggling to lose weight (I lost half of it by giving birth, and then...nothing), my doctor decided to try something kooky: Ritalin. We upped my morning dose of Cymbalta just in case the Ritalin triggered some more anxiety, and I got a prescription for a sleeping pill just in case. (I haven't needed it yet.)
I AM IN LOVE.
Within an hour of taking the first delicious little white pill my thoughts cleared. My mind just quieted. Things fell into place. THE HEAVENS OPENED UP AND I SAW GOD, PEOPLE. And I am never going back.
As far as I'm concerned, Ritalin is a miracle drug. I have not felt this good since I was a child. I am not afraid to speak or socialize. I'm accomplishing things I set out to do. When bad things happen, I don't blame myself and spiral blackly inwards. My husband told me he feels like he's seeing the real me, the me he always knew was there somewhere. This is weird, but I feel the same. Like the real me has finally been unwrapped from this horrible cocoon of anxiety and fear. Who knew that speed could do that?
So, that's where we stand. I'm starting my new life as a speed chomping maniac, and Griffin is STILL AWAKE. I have dire predictions for tomorrow's grumpiness factor. Stay tuned!